I recently stumbled across a wonderful scientific study that explains my quilting addiction. I know that the first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem, but I was so relieved to find out it’s not really my fault! In light of these findings I realize that I had little hope of resisting at all. Since the study is not new–and we should always be referencing the most up-to-date information–I call for more research to be done! I have reprinted the article below, with appropriate credit listed at the bottom.
Scientific Study Reveals Hypnotizing Effect
A recent study has indicated that fabric gives off certain Pheromones, that actually hypnotize women and causes them to purchase ungodly amounts.
When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the pheromones (in the fabric) cause memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome (similar to the one squirrels have before the onset of winter, i.e. storing food), thereby perpetuating their species of fabric, and not having a population loss due to their kind being cut up into pieces and mixed with others. Sound tests have also revealed that these fabrics emit very high-pitched sounds, heard only by a select few breed of women known as Quilters. When played backwards on an LP, the sounds are heard as chants, “buy me, cut me, sew me!” In order to overcome the so-called “feeding frenzy effect” that these fabrics induce, one must wear a face mask when entering a storage facility and use ear plugs to avoid being pulled into their grip. (One must laugh, however, at the sight of customers in a fabric store, with WW2 army gas masks and headphones!).
Studies have also indicated that aliens do inhabit the earth, helping to spread the effect that these fabrics have on the human population. They are called FABRIC STORE CLERKS. It’s also been my experience that these same pheromones cause a pathological need to secret these fabric purchases away when taken home (or at least blend them into the existing stash), and when asked by a significant other if the fabric is new, the reply is always…”I’ve had it for a while.”
(Copyright, Kathy Smith Harris, 1997. Originally published in August 1997 in the Western North Carolina Quilters Guild Newsletter)
Found online at: http://qcn.tripod.com/humor.htm